Bifurcation
by CompMan44
Summary: Ranma's 2-in-1 body gets 'too big for its skin,' but what will that mean for his soul? (PG mostly for language) Chapter 5 in progress. -:- On break for a BIG rework….
1. Interphase

" Bifurcation. _n _To divide or be divided into two branches or parts. "

—_Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary_

**" BIFURCATION "**

A Ranma ½ Fanfiction by CompMan44

Text Conventions:

_Text                       _Denotes thoughts

«Text»                   Denotes foreign speech 

                              (note that Japanese is considered the "home language.")

*Text*                  Denotes a sound effect

Text                    Denotes the setting and/or scene

… Disclaimer …

The characters and settings used in this story are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogagukan, Kitty TV, and Viz Communications.  They are used here without permission.

… Foreword …

I just want to warn you: this is my very first fanfic.  It takes place about a week after the wedding disaster. I put quite a bit of work into it, but even so, it's fairly short.  

The concept of this story has most certainly been used before—several of the stories I've read used it in fact—but this is my own take on the idea.  The chapter titles, as you might have guessed, come from the phases of cell division in biology; I thought it only fitting.

One more thing before starting the story proper; I don't plan to put any lemon in it.  As much as the story lends itself to such, I'm just not very good at writing that sort of thing.  So I'll apologize ahead of time.  ^_~

  


… Part 1: 'Interphase' …

" Interphase. During interphase, the cell's chromosomes duplicate themselves, in preparation for nuclear division. "

Tendo Dojo: Saturday, 3pm

"RANMA NO BAKA!"  The battle cry rang through the Tendo household, shattering the afternoon calm.  Actually, it shattered several things, most notably a vase on the living room table, and Ranma's eardrums.

Ranma sighed.  _What'd I do _this_ time?_ he wondered.  Not that it would have mattered to Akane; she'd find something to blame on him, he was sure of it.  Dropping out of his meditative stance, he was nearly to the Dojo door when the inevitable appearance of Mallet-sama—not to mention its wielder—stopped him in his tracks.

"Oi, Akane. What's up?"

She turned to face him, quite literally steaming with rage, but the hint of tears in her eyes. 

"You should know _perfectly_ well 'what's up,' Ranma!  You— you— Oooh! You make me _so_ mad!"

"Still doesn' tell me what'cher so mad about, Akane. What, didja look in the mirror and see jus' how kawaiikune ya are?"  He smirked as Akane took another angry swing at him, and he leapt nimbly over it, knocking her to the ground from behind.  As she got to her feet, he noticed an envelope under her arm.

"Hey, what's that?" he asked, gesturing at the item.

"That's what's 'up,' Ranma!"

"But I don't ev'n know—"

Before he could finish, she had thrust the letter into his hands, so he began reading.

" To Mr. and Mrs. Ranma Saotome:

Congratulations on your first child; may she be as lovely as her mother.

Signed, 

A Friend "

"What the… 'Mrs.'?  Who—"

His stupor left him open for a harsh slap across the cheek.  On her way out the door, she half-turned to him, and asked with a glare, "So who's the lucky girl?"  She stalked out without waiting for an answer.

Looking down at the letter again, Ranma flipped it over to see who had sent it.  It came as no surprise that there wasn't a return address.  He ran through a mental checklist of people that might want to get him in trouble.  _Pops?  Nah.  He'd never do something that subtle,_ Ranma thought with a twinge of sarcasm.  _Ryoga, maybe?_  Now there was someone who was _anything_ but subtle.  _Scratch that idea, too._  

The Kunos were out of the question as well, since he knew they'd rather accost him in person—whichever he happened to be at any given moment.  He tossed out the ideas of Happosai, Soun, and Kasumi as quickly as they came to him.  Nabiki _might_ have come up with something like this, but he doubted she was _this_ adamant about his marriage to Akane, despite the fact that she'd been the one to crash their attempt last weekend.

_I give up,_ he sighed.  Not a single person he could think of would have the means, mindset, and most importantly, the motive to pull this sort of prank.  _Unless it's someone I don't know,_ said a small voice in the back of his mind. _ But why would someone I don't even know…_  He decided to leave that train of thought alone.  Whoever did this had a reason, as strange as it might be.  And 'strange' was nothing new to him.

_Speaking of strange,_ he noted to himself, _that's the first time today that Akane yelled at me._  It wasn't something to complain about, he knew, but it sent a sort of chill down his spine.  On most days, he'd have gotten into _at least _five or ten arguments with her by this time of day. Her incessant yelling, slapping, kicking, and malleting were things he'd long since gotten used to.  They even seemed to _define_ her in Ranma's mind.  But today, she'd only done it once so far.  _Maybe the world's finally gone as crazy as me,_ he thought with a frown.

Before he came to any conclusions, though, the girl in question reappeared.  Ranma winced, and braced himself for another attempted pounding, but none came.  When he looked up, he saw that the hint of tears he'd seen earlier had finally become full-fledged tears, threatening to pour from her eyes as liberally as they tended to do from her father's.  Confused, he stepped cautiously toward her.

"Akane?  What's… what's wrong?"  Seeing her like this started to make him feel guilty, even though he knew the letter had been faked.  "C'mon, Akane.  What're ya so worked up about?"  But no answer was forthcoming.  _Desperate times call for desperate measures, _he dredged up from a dusty corner of his mind.  Wrapping a tentative arm around her shoulders, he led her over to a bench by the wall.  As they sat down, he was shocked—and secretly, a little glad—when Akane leaned her head over on his shoulder.

"I… Ranma, I… why would you…" Akane stuttered.  She stopped for a moment, trying to regain her composure.  Finally, sitting up, she asked him, "Ranma, how could you _do_ something like this to me?"

"Wha'dya mean, Akane? I didn' do anyth—"

"I don't want to hear another of your _excuses, _Ranma!  I just want to know _why!_"  She was practically screaming.  She bent over, and began crying into Ranma's chest.  "I just… want to know… why…"

"Akane… look, f'r one thing, I don't even know who sent that letter.  And another, I've never ev'n… been with… _anybody, _so this's gotta be some kind o' prank, or somethin'.  'Sides, ev'n if I had_, _what's it to ya?  'S not like y're exactly jumpin' at th' chance to marry me—"

"Baka!"  She slapped him across the face once more—the same cheek as before, too.  _Well, that's twice,_ he noted mentally, wincing at the welt he could feel starting to rise.  "You idiot!  I— I _do_ l- like you… but… you're so… just so _stupid_ sometimes!"  Ranma was taken aback.  _She _likes _me?  How can I believe that, when…_

"How c'n I believe that, when all y'ever do is hit me, or yell at me?  You're always getting mad at me for somethin' somebody _else_ did!"  As he thought about it, he added, "And it's not just you, either… _everybody's_ always blamin' things on me.  You, yer sisters, yer dad, _my_ dad… jeez, Akane.  Y'think I _enjoy_ bein' miserable?  Y'think I enjoy seeing _you_ miserable?"

It was Akane's turn to be surprised.  "You mean… you…"

"Yeah, I… I guess ya could say the feelin's mutual," he replied, a bit dejectedly.  He looked away, his eyes resting in the sky, which was just now taking on the dark shroud of night, but with streaks of reddish-orange still in the clouds.  "I… I like ya too… Akane."  A soft blush—something he rarely wore—spread across his face, and he looked down at his feet.  "I… uh… well, I have fer… a while, now, I guess."

Akane looked at him curiously.  "You… you mean it?"

Finally looking back at her, Ranma gave her a sly grin.  "Would I lie to ya?"

Author's Notes:

Thus ends Chapter 1 of my first endeavour into fanfiction.  ^^;  Opinions?  Comments?  Death threats?  Please let me know!

And yes, I realize Ranma and Akane may seem a bit out of character, but that's because I don't want to make this _too _funny; if I did, it would detract from the rather serious theme I have planned.  But it won't be completely serious and sad, either; I don't want anyone committing suicide.  (Or murder, for that matter.)

[2-1-04]   Made some quick edits, read the chapter over again. I notice now that there might be some confusion about that letter. It _will_ come up again, but for now it was just a plot device to set the mood. ^_^

  



	2. Prophase

… Part 2: 'Prophase' …

" Prophase. During prophase, the centriole duplicates itself, producing spindle fibers which surround the nucleus. "

Tendo Dojo: Monday, 7am

It had been one of those days.  Well, it was only morning, truthfully, but Ranma was feeling pretty tired.  As usual, Genma had woken him up well before sunrise for their daily training session, and predictably, Ranma had ended up in the koi pond.  Like clockwork, Kasumi had breakfast on the table and a kettle on the stove when they came in.

Breakfast was a little quieter than usual.  That is, until Nabiki spoke up.  "Uhh, Ranma, are you going to leave any for the rest of us?"  The prolonged silence was due to the others' shocked faces being unable to form words.  From the moment he sat at the table, to Nabiki's remark, Ranma had been busy putting his previous speed records to shame.

"Oh, my…"  The silence broken, Kasumi put in her two cents.

Akane opened and closed her mouth a few times before adding, "Honestly, Ranma, where do you _put_ it all?"

Genma and Soun failed to comment, as they'd both fainted at the sight of all that food being inhaled at such a rate.  After a few moments, however, the furry one came to long enough to try to steal another dumpling from Ranma's plate—promptly fainting again when he realized that not only were there none on Ranma's plate, but none in the serving dish, or anywhere on the table, for that matter.

Ranma looked at the girls' incredulous expressions; Kasumi's mouth was hanging wide open, and Akane looked like she was ready to cry, or perhaps to mallet him—or both.  "Uh… I was… hungry?" he offered with a sheepish grin.  Noticing that it was nearly time to leave—Nabiki had left several minutes ago, muttering something about "stopping at Ucchan's for a bite"—he picked up his bag and gave Akane a hand to help her up.

"Are you feeling all right, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked.  

"Hai, I'm fine.  Why d'ya ask?"

"Well, you're acting quite… differently today."

He shrugged.  "I'm okay.  Jus' hungry, 's all."

FurinkanHigh School: 7.55am

Ranma was grateful, as always, that Dr. Tofu kept a kettle of hot water at the clinic for him; he'd managed to get splashed once again.  He and Akane were now nearly to the school, running a bit later than usual, but they saw no reason to worry.  After all, it happened on a daily basis, so they basically planned for it.  Now for the next part of their morning routine….

"Y'ready, Akane?" Ranma called out with a smirk, as they raced toward the school gates.  

"You bet," she agreed, and let loose an extra burst of speed.  Right on schedule, they could see Tatewaki Kuno stepping out from behind the large oak in the school's front yard.  

"Halt, knave!" Kuno cried.  "This disgrace far outshadows even the sorcery by which you enslave the pigtailed girl!"

"What're ya talkin' about, ya lard-head?"

"I speak of the dishonor you have brought upon the beauteous Akane Tendo, by promising yourself to her, yet having already consummated wedlock with another!  May the vengeance of heaven fall upon you, through me its vessel, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High School!"  Raising his bokken in trademark style, Kuno smiled as a crash of thunder sounded, despite the blue skies.  

_How did _he_ know about_ _that?_ Ranma wondered.  _Oh well; kick ass now, ask questions later._ "Feh.  Maybe ya should get'cher facts straight 'fore you go around accusin' people o' things," retorted Ranma, as he leaped toward Kuno, foot extended.

In an uncharacteristic display of skill, Kuno sidestepped the flying kick and brought his bokken down at Ranma's throat; it still hit nothing, though, as Ranma had sensed the attack and was already spinning back for a leg sweep.  To everyone's surprise, Kuno dodged this as well, and replied with a vertical slash of his wooden weapon.  _Damn, the guy's putting up a decent fight today!  What happened?_  Ranma considered using his Amaguriken as a desperation move, but feeling an eerie wave of fatigue, he decided against it.  _No point wasting my energy on Kuno, of all people,_ he reasoned.  But that sense of exhaustion, the feeling that he was being _drained, _worried him a bit.  He felt as if he wouldn't have energy to stay awake today, much less pound Kuno, or even keep up a good fight.

Fortunately for him, Akane chose that moment to whack Kuno over the head with her schoolbag.  "Bakayarou!  Leave Ranma alone; for once, he didn't do anything!"  Caught in mid-slice, Kuno slumped to the grass.

Still feeling a little woozy, Ranma accepted her hand as she pulled him up.  "Ah, thanks.  But didja _hafta_ add 'fer once'?"

"Um… force of habit, I guess," Akane answered, grinning.  She was glad though, that they were on better terms.

"Yeah, yeah.  Al' right.  Oi, we better get ta class; we're gonna be late."

…

Upon reaching Hinako-sensei's classroom, they discovered that Kuno wasn't the only person to learn of the letter; nearly everyone in class had a slew questions for the pair.  _Nabiki's up to her old tricks, eh?_  Ranma was a bit flustered, to say the least, as most of the questions asked of him involved 'Mrs. Ranma Saotome,'  and were of the 'Is she hot?' and 'When can we meet her?' variety; meanwhile, the girls asked Akane what she thought of things, and why she was in such a good mood despite the letter.

"Look, people, th' letter was a prank somebody pull'd on me, 'kay?  There ain't no 'Mrs. Saotome' 'cept my mom."  

His adamant response only caused more questions.  "Who sent the letter?" "What did Akane do about it?" and most embarrassingly to both, "So when's Akane gonna be 'Mrs. Saotome'?"

Eventually he and Akane managed to dispel most of the rumors that had gotten around; unfortunately, in the confusion, the remaining rumors had everyone thinking the couple had finally made good on their engagement.  Nearly surprising herself, Akane held tightly to the thought that, if all went well, the rumors might soon be the truth.

FurinkanHigh School: 12pm

When the lunch bell rang, Ranma took his favorite route down—through the third-story window, that is, though not into the pool—and propped himself up against a tree trunk.  He opened his bentou, expecting the usual lunch Kasumi would pack for him, but instead found an unrecognizable charred mass, with what looked like specks of green and red peppers.  He was about to throw it away and go get the hot lunch—which was only marginally better—when a loud rumble from his stomach convinced him otherwise.  Shrugging, he sat back down and started to break off pieces of the… whatever it was, and pop them in his mouth.  _Actually, it's pretty good, considering that it looks like a charcoal briquette,_ he thought.  

"So, you like it, huh, Ranma?" Akane asked from just behind his ear.  Her sudden voice startled him and he launched himself into the tree's branches.

"Jeez, tomboy, don't _scare_ m' like that!"

Akane giggled.  "But it's so much fun!  And you sure looked like you were enjoying the okonomiyaki I made for you.  Ucchan's teaching me!" she announced proudly.

"Is _that_ what ya call it?"  Ranma looked curiously at the chunk he was still holding.  "Looks more like okonomi-_yucky _to me, but I guess it _tastes_ okay, at least."  He ignored the glare she gave him, then hopped down from the branch he'd been crouching on and went back to eating.  "And it's better than starving."  _Speaking of starving, _he thought, _I still am.  Maybe I'll get a hot lunch, after all._

That certainly surprised her.  "Are you _sure_ you're okay, Ranma?  Kasumi's right, you've been awfully strange today."

"I toldja, ev'rythin's jus' fine."  _Yeah, just fine, except I feel like I've got one of those proverbial tapeworms._  He headed back toward the school building, when Akane stopped him with her hand on his shoulder.  A worried expression was in her eyes, one that he'd only seen a few times before.  "I'm _fine,_ I said!"

"All right, Ranma, I… I believe you.  But… I mean… we're friends now, right?  So… you know, if, um, if you want to talk about it… I… I'm here to listen."  She smiled at him.  Ranma couldn't help thinking,_ kawaii… kawaiikunai._  Then his stomach growled again.

"I'm, uh, gonna get th' hot lunch," he told her, scratching his head in embarrassment.  _Urgh… make that two._

FurinkanHigh School: 3pm

Four hot lunches, the leftovers from Akane's bentou, and a few classes (_biology… ick_) later, Ranma was feeling tired and sluggish again, as if he hadn't slept in weeks.  _What's wrong with me?_ he wondered.  _I haven't felt this tired since… since the Cat-Fist training, actually._  The memory of that ordeal, and the months of sleepless nights that followed, made him a bit queasy, so he tried thinking of something else.

Akane looked over at him, worry evident on her face once more.  Lost in thought, he didn't notice as she began to walk a little closer to him.  "Ranma," she began.

Snapped out of his reverie, he cocked his head in her direction.  "Hm?"

"Ranma, do you still… do you… still want to get married?"  She was a bit apprehensive of asking so soon after their first failed attempt, but she had to know; she wouldn't be able to stand a repeat performance of that utter fiasco.

"M- married… so soon?"  He was shocked that she was taking this kind of initiative but managed to stutter, "I… well if ya… I mean… if it's al' right with you, I, uh… well, yeah, I guess."

She gave a smile and a small nod, and they walked on in silence.  Ranma watched her in wonder, while she simply looked straight ahead, still smiling happily.

Tendo Dojo: 6pm

The family was seated around the supper table, waiting for Kasumi to bring out the food.  Remembering the events of that morning, however, Nabiki warned Ranma with a smile, "You'd damn well better leave us some food this time."

"Uh, yeah… sorry.  I dunno, I'm jus' feelin' a lot hungrier than usual."  

Nabiki face-faulted.  "_More than usual?_  You're going to eat us out of house and home if you keep that up!"  She shook her head in amazement.  "You nearly _did_ at your 'usual' pace."

Soun burst into tears.  "Waaah!  You eat so much; food's not free you know!  Now we'll have to sell the dojo, and we'll never see the schools joined!  WAAAAH!!"  He slouched over, sobbing into the table.

Patting him on the shoulder, Nabiki tried to reason with him.  "Daddy, I said 'nearly.'  We'll be just fine, as long as," she glanced at Ranma, "we're a bit more conscious of how much we eat, et cetera."  Ranma looked at his hands resting in his lap.  _Hey, I'm a growing guy,_ he argued, but knew better than to voice it to Nabiki.  "I'm not blaming you entirely, Ranma, although you do eat the most of any of us—except maybe your dad," she added with a sickeningly-sweet smile in said man's direction.  "But you really should cut back a bit, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess," he sighed.  _That mean's I'll probably be spending plenty of time at Ucchan's… or the Nekohanten.  And that's just trouble waiting to happen.  _It was the price one paid for living, he supposed.  "By th' way, Nabiki, couldja tell me somethin'?  How'd _Kuno _know about th' letter?"

Giving him her best 'money' smile, Nabiki replied, "Five thousand yen."  As he started digging for his wallet, she continued, "No, no; I mean, that's how he knew."  She gave him a wink, and his face began to get red with anger.  "Hey, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly—I've gotta make money _somehow,_ you know."  It was a valid point, he knew, so he managed to calm down—some.  

He was still steaming a bit to himself when Kasumi came out of the kitchen, a tray of ramen bowls in each hand.  "Supper's ready, everyone!"  Seeing that everyone was already at the table, she passed the bowls to them; Ranma watched greedily as everyone, including Kasumi, received a bowl before he did.  Before handing him the bowl, Kasumi gently reminded him, "Ranma-kun, could you please wait for everyone to finish before taking seconds?"  As always, it was hard for Ranma to refuse Kasumi, so he nodded a 'yes', though a pout on his face belied the otherwise good-natured gesture.

Fighting the urge to pour the contents of the bowl down his throat in one gulp, Ranma distracted himself by looking intently at Akane, who was busy eating and didn't notice.  _What made her say that earlier?_ he wondered.  _I guess she… really _does_ want to marry me, like she said the other day.  Well, not in so many words, but…._  He broke off when he realized that Akane was looking back at him, questioningly.  He quickly looked down at his bowl, blushing—which by no means went unnoticed by the rest of the family.

"Problem, Ranma?" Nabiki inquired, a smile on her face that most would call 'evil.'

"N-nah, it's j-jus' a bi' hot, 'S all."  He forced himself to calm down as best he could.

"Really, now?  I didn't even see you take a bite—which, I admit, is a welcome change."

As though contagious, the same evil smile began to spread across Akane's face.  "Ranma no hentai," she stated simply, and his blush returned in full force.  "Yup," she continued, "very, _very_ hentai."

Nabiki's eyebrow went up.  _What, did she lose Mallet-sama? Or maybe… nah.  She must just be in a good mood—for once._  But she said nothing aloud; Akane apparently didn't notice her gesture, so she wasn't about to make it known.

"Nah, I'm jus'… well, I was wond'rin' about what'cha said e'rlier… y'know, about getting' married an' all.  Didja… were ya… serious abou' that?"  At this, her face did its best to outshine Ranma's rouge cheeks.  _Did he _have _to bring _that_ up?_

"You're _kidding!_  Akane, _you _broached it,of all people?  Oh, this is rich.  Heh, and if I play it right, I'll be rich—"  She broke off at the glares she got from them both.  "Come on, come on; I was only kidding.  Anyway, _were_ you?  Serious, I mean."

"Well, if you _must_ know, I… well, yeah… I guess I was."

"You 'guess'?"  Nabiki couldn't resist eking out another blush from her little sister—as well as admission to the 'crime,' despite the unspoken agreement she'd made to keep it hushed up.

"Umm…" Akane faltered, unable to find the courage to say it again as she had to Ranma.  Looking over at him, though, and seeing the anxious light in his eyes, she pulled herself together and uttered a meek, "yes," trying hard to maintain her hard-won composure.  Her heart did a nervous little jig when she saw Ranma relax and smile at her reply.

Soun, who'd been suspiciously quiet during the entire exchange, shouted joyously, and swept his little girl—and, though none were certain if it was by accident or intent, Ranma as well—up into his arms, and spun around the room, crying non-stop and carrying on a mile a minute about making wedding plans, inviting guests, preparing food.  Genma's panda ears perked up at this last.  "Dad!" Akane squealed indignantly.  "Put me _down!"_

Ranma just held his head in his hands, muttering to himself, "Why me?" and having rather a lot of trouble keeping down his massive lunch.

…

Later in the evening, as Ranma meditated with his father, an idea came to him.  "O- otousan?" he asked hesitantly.  Genma was quiet for a moment longer; Ranma almost never called him that.  He considered Ranma silently before replying.

"Yes, my son?"  His voice was quiet, reverent.  The chiding tone he often used with Ranma was gone, replaced by an awed whisper; his son must have something very serious on his mind to address him so, and he felt it best to not make light of it.  "What is it?"

"Otousan, about mom…"—at the mention of his wife, Genma cringed a little, but tried his best to hide it—"how'd ya know… I mean… when'd ya…"  He couldn't quite find the words to voice his question.  Taking a chance, Genma interjected with what he was almost certain the youth was trying to ask.

"How did I know I loved her?"  Ranma nodded slowly.

_I thought that might be it.  He and Akane… despite our interference, it seems they had feelings for one another after all._

"Well… I don't suppose it's an easy thing to explain.  Perhaps the clearest I could say is that… you know you love someone when you… feel like that person is part of you; you feel that if she was taken away, you couldn't find any other reason to go on living, because you're no longer whole….   That's how I felt with Nodoka, once.  I still do, really, but… I've made many mistakes, mistakes that will take a very long time to atone for, and she… well, as you know, she wasn't very happy about any of them."

Ranma nodded again, and pondered his father's words for a short while.  Then, with these things in mind, he closed his eyes once more and drifted off to nirvana.

Author's Notes:

For those who don't know some of the Japanese vocabulary I've used in this story so far, the definitions are here (in no particular order):

_Kawaii_ = cute

_Kawaiikune_ = uncute/ugly

_Kawaiikunai_ = very cute

_Bokken_ = a wooden sword, often used in practice or training

_Ramen_ = a Chinese noodle dish (pronounced "rah-mahn")

_Okonomiyaki_ = a pizza- or pancake-like pastry with spices, vegetables, and/or meat

_Otousan_ = father (addressing respectfully)

_Bentou_ = lunch box 

_Hentai_ = pervert/perverted (Anyone who is looking up anime fanfics and doesn't know this one needs to be taken out back and shot.)

_Nekohanten_ = Cat Café (The same as above applies for those looking up Ranma ½ fanfics.)

If you're fluent, or at least well-educated, in Japanese, _please_ correct me if I'm wrong in the use of a word, or if another word is more appropriate, etc.

This chapter is mainly to develop more the relationship between Ranma and Akane, and introduce the "change" (many thanks to Wharpt for this suggestion).  I've about four more chapters planned in which to not only concrete this, but also effect the change, so this is by no means "The End."  I'll also try to add in (almost) all the "regular" characters in later chapters.

Oh, and by the way: when I say "nirvana," I do **_NOT_** mean the band!  ^o^


	3. Metaphase

Part 3: Metaphase' 

_ Metaphase. During metaphase, the chromosomes align within the nucleus, and attach to the spindle fibers. _

Tendo Dojo: 4.30am

Ranma lay awake on his bedroll, staring at the ceiling, the events of the past few days playing repeatedly in his mind. 

_I'm glad Akane and I finally got things worked out, for the most part. Why've I been so tired lately? That letter who could have sent it? Ryoga'd kill me if he found out, just like Kuno tried to. I wonder if Akane's serious about getting married? _

_Of course she is, baka!_

_Huh?_

_I said, Of course she is!'_

_Who are you?_

_I'm you, of course._

_Ha-ha so that means I'm a textbook schizo, eh?_

_Nah, I think it's normal. People talk to themselves all the time._

_Uh right._

_Fine, don't believe me. See if I care._

_Yeah, I'm kind of leaning toward th—_

Wake up, boy! Time to get that blood flowing! Startled by Genma's unexpected shout, Ranma forgot about his little introspection in an instant. Rolling out of the way, he dodged his dad's grab at his shirt collar and used his momentum to send the man flying into the koi pond himself. There was no way he was going to start off today's spar as a girl, if he had anything to say about it.

Start off or no, he—or rather, she—ended up as such. _It figures, _Ranma groaned to herself. _It just figures. And here I was hoping this would be a _good_ day. _As she walked into the kitchen to ask Kasumi for the kettle, she lost her balance and nearly fell on her face; nearly' because Akane chose that moment to try to walk _out _of the kitchen. Ranma found her head in a somewhat compromising position when she landed, and one could almost make out a muffled before a blunt wooden implement made quite an impression on her.

Fortunately for the family budget, Ranma didn't show up for breakfast that morning.

Furinkan High School: 12pm

_Damn, I'm hungry_. As if to underline his words, his stomach gave a very audible growl. A few nearby students glanced up to the sky, searching for storm clouds.

_Tell me about it,_ the voice in his head replied.

_You again?_

_Who else? _Ranma could envision the sly smirk on this mysterious voice's face.

Where's your lunch, Ranma? 

Once again wakened from his internal debate, Ranma looked up to see Akane standing over him. Giving her a glare, he looked downward and rested his head in his hands. She flopped down on the grass beside him, and set an extra-large bentou in front of him. I'm, uh I'm sorry. I guess I was a little hasty this morning.

Jus' a little. He didn't look up.

She began to fume a bit—_why can't he just accept a simple apology?_—but did her best to take it in stride. It was a new sensation for her, to be forgiving like this. look, Ranma, I just wanted to make it up to you, okay? You're right, I probably should have thought about it before I hit you, but please, can't you accept my apology?

He found it hard to resist the temptation to point out that _she _never accepted any of _his_ apologies, but found it in him to give a diplomatic answer. okay. Raising his head at last, he spied the unopened bentou before him. He cast a wary glance at it.

Akane noticed his hesitation, and tried to dispel some of his fear. Don't worry, I didn't make it this time. But I thought that since you've been really hungry lately, I'd ask Kasumi to give you double helpings of everything. She smiled warmly at him.

Ranma smiled back at her, rather meekly, trying to ignore the beat of the Cardiac Polka in his ears. thanks.

RANMA SAOTOME! TODAY YOU DIE!

Their moment interrupted, Akane and Ranma looked up at the source of the familiar voice, who was now descending rapidly toward them, umbrella in hand.

Hiya, Ryoga. Hey, don'tcha mean _prepare_ ta die'? he asked casually.

This seemed to puzzle the lost boy for a moment, before he responded, No, Ranma, I've decided you've had enough preparation especially since you're using your leisure time to _cheat on Akane!_

Ranma and Akane looked at each other, shrugged, and shook their heads in unison. 

Ah, jeez why's ev'rybody gotta take stuff th' wrong way?

What wrong way is there to take it? I've seen _hell_ because of you!

So you've said. What's it like? S it as warm s they say?

Even if she _is _your fiancée, she deserves better!

Ranma was quickly tiring of Ryoga's seemingly one-track mind. Ryoga, get it through yer skull. There ain't nothin' like that goin' on! It's just some sick joke somebody's playin' on us. Can'tcha just leave us alone? We got enough troubles as it is!

You think _you_ have troubles? Let me tell you, Ranma, I've seen—

_Hell_ because of you,' yeah, I know. Ya only tol' me about a million times! Dammit, already, I'm starvin'. So gimme some peace, fore I decide to ta take a chunk outta _you!_

As luck (or perhaps a deity with a warped sense of humor) would have it, that very moment it began to rain. Though it only drizzled slowly at first, the drizzle quickly grew into a downpour. Ryoga, umbrella at the ready, managed to keep dry—a near-miraculous feat, unless you take into account his favorite waterproof soap. Dry as he was, though, he hardly wanted to stay around long in the pouring rain; taking a leap backward, Ryoga fled the scene, parting with a cry of, You'll pay, Ranma!

From the first clap of thunder, Ranma had simply stood in the rain, her shoulders slumped forward, staring into the ground, wondering what else could go wrong today.

Th-th-thanks, A-k-kane, Ranma stuttered as Akane poured a kettle of not-quite-boiling water over her head.

Anytime, Ranma, she winked at him. And you know it.

I s-sw-swear, I m-must be c-c-cursed. His shivers were subsiding a little, but he was still trying to rub some life into his arms.

She gave him an odd, amused look. What on earth gave you _that_ idea?

N-no, I mean b-besides th' one f-from Jyusenkyo; I must be c-cursed to attract cold w-water, he explained with a smirk.

That's nonsense. You don't need a _curse_ for that, Akane shot back, grinning.

Amidst their banter, something caught Akane's eye. A tiny lock of red hair peeked out from beneath Ranma's right ear. Ranma, what's that? She pointed at the anomaly, but it was just out of his field of vision. Taking her compact from her book bag, Akane held the mirror up so Ranma could see it.

That's—but how— His face paled; somehow he knew—and this event only confirmed the thought in his mind—that with everything strange that had been happening recently, things were only getting started.

Tofu Clinic: 3pm

My, my Ranma, this curse of yours is certainly taking a strange turn, Doctor Tofu announced, having finished his brief examination. I really don't have enough expertise in this area to be of much help. You might consider making a visit to Ms. er

Th' old ghoul?

Akane rebuked him. Turning to Tofu, she explained, He means Cologne, Shampoo's great-grandmother.

Um, yes, that's the one. She does hail from the same area as the Cursed Springs, after all.

yeah, I guess that ain't such a bad idea. It's just Ranma broke off. He wasn't sure that voicing his worry was such a great idea. Who knew what higher power might be looking for ideas?

Oh, never mind it's nothing. Akane frowned at him, looking worried once more.

A tiny frown curled Tofu's lip as well. _There's obviously something he's worried about but if he doesn't want to share, I can't very well force him to._ Very well, then. I'll see you again, I'm sure. With a light wave to Ranma, he retired to his office.

sure. See ya later, doc, Ranma said as he waved back.

As the pair left the clinic, they walked in silence, but for the ambient mid-afternoon sounds of the chirping of birds, and whistling of the wind. Ranma was deep in thought—Akane was deeply anxious. _Something's wrong, I just know it. Something's wrong so wrong. _She wrung her hands together, at the same time slightly curious about why she was this worried about him. He—no, _they_—had made it through all sorts of crises before why did this one seem so very different?

Ranma broke the silence.

She kept her head down for a few moments, and Ranma wasn't sure whether she had heard him. Akane?

She looked up at him, trying her hardest to keep the shaking out of her voice. Y-yes, Ranma?

Jus' wond'rin if if yer okay. Ya been awfully quiet th' whole time.

She nodded, but said nothing.

Ya sure? I mean, y'know cause ya look real tired, maybe ya wanna take a rest somewhere?

No, Ranma, I'm I'm just fine. Don't worry about me, you're the one having complications with your curse.

B-but, Akane—

No but's, Ranma. I'm okay. We've got a couple of hours until we need to go home, so why don't we stop by the Nekohanten now?

Um, al'right if yer sure, he agreed warily.

Nekohanten: 4pm

As they stepped through the door, ringing the small bell overhead, an all-too-familiar voice rang out as well.

Welcome to Nekohanten! I take order? Shampoo exclaimed with bubbly fervor. On seeing her beloved Airen, her first reaction was to jump right into Glomp Mode,' but seeing the downcast Akane beside him, she refrained, instead pulling up a chair at a nearby table.

Kitchen-wrecker is okay? She not ever so, so sad; what happen? Shampoo looked warily at Akane; indeed, she looked as if her best friend had died, but at the same time, she was on edge, jumpy.

The Chinese girl's broken speech grated a bit on Ranma's already thinning nerves, but he quelled the impulse to reply nastily. Instead, he asked, in as pleasant a tone as he could muster, Where's th' old er, Cologne?

Great-grandmother in kitchen. You need talk to her? She too, too busy; not wanting be interrupted.

Yeah, I do. Gotta see her about well, this. He pushed up the dark hair over his ears to reveal the errant bit of red.

Shampoo simply stared. So? Get haircut, no?

_How _dare _she!_ Akane fumed. _She's always hanging all over Ranma; you'd think she'd at least _care_ about something like this!_ Don't you _get_ it? His curse is doing something weird! We've got to talk to Cologne, to find out what's happening!

Ranma was dumbstruck; sure, Akane had exploded at Shampoo before, but this was different—she was _defending_ him, rather than heaping equal blame. _Although, _he admitted, _she's just as angry as all those times. I'd better be careful._

What's this I hear? Cologne's voice sounded from the kitchen doorway. Son-in-law is having more trouble with his curse? Can't say it surprises me, after all you've already been through. In fact, I've been almost expecting it.

E-expectin' it? Ranma exclaimed.

Certainly, child, certainly. It is a lesser known fact about the Cursed Springs. Or, you might say, an extremely rare case. But I recognized your case from nearly the beginning—in fact, it's why I encouraged my great-granddaughter to pursue you, and I still do. Yes, she cut Ranma off, as he was about to interrupt. I understand that you have no desire nor motive to wed Xian Pu. However, until the possibility is eliminated, I shall continue to encourage it. Now, as for the cause of this occurrence: your strength. Physical strength you have in abundance, to be sure. But it is your _spiritual_ strength that is forcing your body to bifurcate—

Bif'rcate!? Ya mean, it's—

Splitting, yes. Your spiritual strength is rejecting the curse, and quite literally forcing the effects of the curse out of your body. Actually, I had suspected it to take quite a bit longer for this to happen but no matter. What you will feel in the next few days, the only people who know are in no condition to tell you. She chuckled at his shocked expression before continuing, No, child, that's not what I meant. I only mean that this is such a rare happening, the last person that experienced it has been long dead—longer than I have been alive.

The three teenagers stared at her, jaws agape. Quickly shutting hers, Akane spoke what they all were thinking. So he'll be—there're gonna be—_two Ranmas!?_

In a sense. There will be two physical _bodies,_ but, as I told you, no one living can say whether or not they are two distinct persons. I suppose we should record your experience for posterity, Ranma, ne?

_two_ of me th'n that means The mere thought sent a shiver of something akin to joy down his spine.

We're _doomed,_ Akane interjected. Ranma turned slowly to face her.

But—but I'll be _cured!_ he yelled, leaping to his feet, and upsetting the table and chair in the process.

Calm down, Ranma, I'm only joking—

Son-in-law, this is hardly a cure. Yes, you will no longer be cursed, but the results may be much worse than a simple curse—

_So!?_ I won't be a half-girl any more! I c'n be a full-time guy ag'in! Akane, we c'n finally—

H-hold up. Worse? What do you m-mean?

Just as I said, Tendou-san. Conversely, it could be much better. No one knows for certain, not even myself. This is one area in which my expertise as elder of the Amazons falls short. To be honest with you, the only truly certain fact about the waters of Jyusenkyo is that falling in will curse you to a lifetime of transformation. Beyond that is open to speculation.

Tendo Dojo: 6pm

Inside the dojo proper, Ranma executed kata after kata, trying to take his mind off of what Cologne had told him was going to happen. Unfortunately, it wasn't working; it only gave him more of an opportunity to brood on it.

_I'm gonna _split_. I'm gonna split in _half_. That's just freaky. Is there any way to stop it? I don't want to get split in half if it's gonna do something bad but the old—Cologne said it might turn out _better_, too I wish there was some way to tell._

A loud _crash _brought him back to the present. What the— He turned to look. Nabiki was standing in the doorway holding—well, _had been _holding—a glass of water. Said glass was now in shattered fragments on the ground, the hand that held it now over her gasping mouth.

Uh, what's up, Nabiki?

Y-your— your h-hair She pointed at his head, where could be seen not his usual black hair, but a wild mix that was nearly half composed of bright red tufts. Then, in a most un-Nabiki-like manner, she swooned backwards, losing consciousness before her own head even reached the hard earth.

_Oh, jeez._

_You've got _that_ right_

_Kami-sama, not _you_ again! Wait a sec you must be the—the other me?_

_Didn't I tell you _earlier_?_

_Oh._

Author's Notes:

Okay, I've finally finished Chapter 3, taking a little over the two weeks I was hoping for. I confess, I was reading Douglas Adams during most of the second half—does it show? (I hope not.) My main concern is that I've given away too much at one time—on the other hand, some of it I feel is necessary to move the story along. What do you think? As always, comments and critique are welcome and encouraged. 


	4. Anaphase

… Part 4: 'Anaphase' …

_"Anaphase. During anaphase, the chromosomes move toward opposite sides of the nucleus, and the nucleus begins division."_

TENDO DOJO: 7PM

Not a few minutes after collapsing, Nabiki awoke to see Kasumi, Akane, and their father standing over her, and Ranma crouching next to her, holding an ice pack to her head. She was still laying on the dojo floor, a bit dizzy, but otherwise all right. It took the next half-hour for her to grasp the predicament behind Ranma's new "look," even with the help of Akane and Ranma himself.

"You mean to tell me that we're going to have to deal with two of you?" She finally responded after listening to their tale.

"Um… yeah, sorta." Ranma scratched his head nervously. "'Least, two bodies, 'ccordin' ta the ol'—" He stopped short with a bop on the head, courtesy of Akane. "Er, Cologne."

"She said something about his spirit 'rejecting his curse,'" Akane explained.

"B-but this never happened to anyone else we know with a curse."

"I know, and I agree that it's weird, but… I'm not sure. Cologne said his spiritual strength was pushing the curse out of his body, and apparently that includes the physical part of it."

"Yeah… and what 'specially scares me… I mean, she said it's only happ'ned to a few people in th' whole hist'ry of Jyusenkyo. So… she don't have a clue what it'll be like f'r me, even tho' she's s'posed ta be the expert in this sorta thing."

"Oh, Kami-sama… even Cologne doesn't know what's going on? Damn, I feel sorry for you, Ranma. But it's kind of special, too, don't you think? I mean, if you survive, you'll have a great story to tell your grandkids," Nabiki chuckled at her joke.

"Onee-chan, there's just one other problem—considering how you took the news… how do you think everyone else will? If this sort of thing caused the 'Ice Queen' to _faint…_"

"Hmm… if I had to bet, I'd say Kasumi would make a note to buy extra extra food next time she goes shopping; Daddy's going to bawl his eyes out about how horrible it must feel to be going through that kind of torture; Oji-baka will congratulate his son for finally being rid of his curse—and then try to steal whatever he thinks is causing it—and Oba-san… well, your guess is as good as mine, but most likely she'll be on about making his girl form commit seppuku for not being a 'man amongst men.'"

Akane glared daggers at her. "I'm serious, Nabiki."

Nabiki waved her hand flippantly, saying, "Oh, well, in that case, we're likely to have World War Three on our hands."

…

Ranma walked cautiously into the living room, hoping not to attract the attention of the stoic shougisashi in the doorway, engrossed in their game. He breathed a sigh of relief when neither looked his way, then proceeded up the stairs to his room. He sat down on his bedroll in lotus position, then maneuvered his body until he was standing on his head, to prepare for meditation. _Maybe,_ he thought, _I can find some answers from Mister—Miss?—Mystery._

_Coming to _me_ for help?_ came the voice, as he'd expected. _Things are really getting bad, ne?_

_I'm just… exhausting my sources, that's all. What better way to find out about this than to ask the person responsible?_

_Me? Responsible? Sorry, but no. I'm just part of the deal._

_Well, if you can't help, can you just leave? I'm not fond of talking to… well, myself._

_It'd be awfully hard to get rid of me. And I bet I've got something to do with this whole splitting thing, don't you think? Although, to me, it's sort of a good thing._

_A _good_ thing!? How? If you're me, it'll be just as painful as for me._

_Painful? Who said it would be? The old ghoul sure didn't._

_But—oh, yeah… that's right. Even if she didn't say so, though, I bet it will be. I don't think splitting into two bodies is really something that's meant to be… pleasant._

_Why not? Biology class, man. You're doing it all the time, down at the cellular level. I guess this is just something like that._

_I _hate_ biology. Jeez, listening for an hour about chroma-tommies and taxo-what's-it's—_

_You mean 'chromosomes' and 'taxonomies'?_

_Uh… yeah. Hey, shut up! I wasn't listening then because I didn't want to know!_

_Sorry, man. I can't help it if it's interesting._

_Aren't you me? I sure don't think it's interesting, so why would you?_

_Yep, I'm you. That doesn't mean I _think_ like you, though—you might call me an 'alter ego'; you know, those things superheroes always have?_

_… Sure, whatever._

_Look, this whole curse thing—don't get me wrong, I don't want it to end up killing you, either, but… somehow I get this feeling that… it'll turn out well. Plus I get to escape from this _boring_ mind of yours—_

_Boring!? Come on, martial arts is my _life!!_ How can you think that's boring?_

_The same way you think biology is boring._

If it were possible, Ranma was sure he'd be glaring suspiciously at… himself. As it was, he had to settle for thinking a glare at his 'alter ego.'

_Anyhow, seeing as it's inevitable, we'd better decide who gets which body, assuming we have a choice._

Why _am I thinking of myself as a 'we'?_

_Face it, buddy. We're a 'we.' If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure I'm just a side effect of the curse and the little joy ride it's taking us on. So, when this whole thing goes through… you're free of me, I'm free of you, everybody lives happily ever after, ne?_

_'Happily ever after,' my ass! What if we—I mean, _I_—what if I _die!?

_I… don't know. But, after all, there's not much we can do about it. Tell you what, how about I take the guy body, so you can have the small, fast, hard-to-hit girl body, which is much better suited for your midair fights?_

_Not on your life! Er… _my_ life, I mean. Whatever. But there's _no way_ I'm taking the girl body! I'm half as strong in that body! You take the girl body, and shut up and go play with your chromosonics!_

_'Chromosomes.' And that could _so_ be taken the wrong way by an actual girl._

_Shut _up,_ I said!_

_So you did._

Ranma quietly seethed to himself. _You'd think my subconscious would know something about this._

_Nope, I already told you; sorry._

"SHUT UP!!!"

Akane poked her head in from the hall. "I sure hope you weren't talking to _me,_ Ranma," she said, giving him a dark stare.

"Uh, no, no, I was jus'… um… talkin' to… my alarm clock, it, uh, went off, and—"

"You don't _have_ an alarm clock, Ranma. You _were_ talking to me, _weren't_ you!?"

As Mallet-sama appeared from… goodness-knows-where… he shouted in defense, "No, Akane, ya got it all wrong, I—" _Best not to say _that_,_ he reasoned. "Well, if ya really wanna know, I—" Before he could finish, the wall behind him suddenly ceased to be.

"RANMA! LET'S FINISH THIS!!!"

Momentarily distracted from her blind rage at Ranma, Akane looked up to see none other than— "Oh, konbanha, Ryouga-kun! Ano, would you please use the door next time?"

"My apologies. I'll do my best to remember." Turning to Ranma, Ryouga changed his demeanor. "Meanwhile, Saotome, I have a score to settle with you! How could you disgrace Akane like that!?"

"Ryouga," Ranma acknowledged, his own manner shifting from cowering before Akane's Wrath, to an even stare at his long-time rival. "Nice ta see ya again."

"I would say likewise, if it weren't for the _reason_ I'm here," countered Ryouga.

"And what's that?"

"Ryouga, I thought the whole 'vengeance' matter was settled," Akane interjected, trying to prevent any more damage if she could help it.

"It _was._ This is a new matter—concerning your honor, and this cretin's lack of it."

"What?"

"Yeah, 'what?' I toldja, that was all jus' some joke; nothin' even happened."

"He _disgraced_ you, Akane! He _cheated_ on you; he slept with someone behind your back!"

"He did nothing of the sort, Ryouga! I know _you_ don't believe him, but _I_ do; if he said it's a prank someone pulled on him, then that's what happened, okay?"

"Y-you believed me?"

Akane froze in mid-rant; a shocked Ryouga glanced grimly at Ranma, _almost_ sorry for him.

"Any reason I… shouldn't, Ranma?" Akane said coldly, turning to face him.

"Um, well, no, I was just, uh, kinda surprised, that's all, y'know…" he trailed off.

"Good. Now," she faced back toward Ryouga. "If you'd be so kind as to use the door on your way out."

"H-hai. Gomen nasai, Akane-san."

As Ryouga left, Akane stood in silence for a few moments, still not facing Ranma, who was watching her nervously. "Ranma," she began. "Please tell me you didn't mean what I thought you did."

"Uh, what did you think I meant?"

"Did you… that letter… it _was_ just some prank, wasn't it?"

"O-of course, Akane… chan," he said, hoping to comfort her.

At the familiar address, Akane dipped her eyes to the side; a faint blush spread across her cheeks. _Good thing he can't see my face._ "And… and what makes you think you can… call me that?" _I hope he meant it._

"Ah… gomen." He, too, looked anxiously away.

"Ano… I… kind of… well, liked it," she stuttered. "Um, you know… maybe…"

"I can't _believe_ you, Ranma!"

_Oh, Kami-sama…._

…

Ranma stood with his back to one of the remaining walls, the edge of an enourmous spatula at his throat. At the other end of the spatula, unbridled rage distorted the otherwise lovely face of his 'cute fiancée.' On the one hand, he was glad she wasn't glomping him for once… on the other, he'd rather face Akane's fury than Ucchan's, since it would undoubtably leave him better able to breathe afterward.

"U-ucchan… ah, hey, h-how's it—"

"Don't even _try_ it, mister! How _dare_ you go and rape that Chinese hussy behind my back, you dirty bas—" Neither she nor Ranma was quite prepared for the impact of Akane's mallet against Ukyou's skull.

"I have _had_ it with these people! Can't they see there's a perfectly good door in the wall!?"

Feeling a bit more confident with Ucchan out of commission, Ranma couldn't help but ask with a smirk, "Is it really the door you're worried about?"

"Of course, baka! Do you know how many times we've had to get that wall repaired in the past… oh. I mean, well…" She threw her hands up in frustration. "All right, all right… are you— that is, uh, are you okay?"

He smiled, a genuine smile at that. "Hai, just fine, thanks for asking." Then he grinned mischievously. "What say we take out the trash?" Akane gave him a confused look, until he took an offensive stance next to Ukyou. With a nod of understanding, she took a similar stance beside him, both charging their battle auras.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Seeing as Ukyou was still laying on the floor, they both looked around for the source of the voice. They didn't have to look far, though; a black blur raced from the window to attach itself to the fallen girl's chest. "Nobody does that to my precious, precious Ucchan! Sweeto!" His cries of joy were shortly cut off by a trio of hands around his throat.

"I appreciate you protecting me, but… GET OFF OF ME!!"

The blur quickly retraced its path out the window, all the while shouting, "But, Ucchan! Won't you even give me a little kiss?"

Ukyou stared after him, seething with rage, then took a moment to adjust her clothes and bandolier. She spun to face Ranma. "And just _what_ do you think you were doing!?"

"Um… well, uh… look, Ucchan, I already 'xplained it ta everybody else, so ya might as well ask one o' them 'bout it, 'cause I'm sick an' tired o' tellin' it. 'Sides, like Akane-chan said, you an' the rest o' them put enough holes in th' wall already, can'tcha use th' door?"

The two girls stared at him, Akane in awe, Ukyou in utter shock. "W-what? D-did I say s-somethin' wrong?" he continued after a few moments of silence.

They both started speaking at once. "Of course not, Ranma—" "You bastard—" They looked at each other. They looked back at Ranma.

The shock had apparently cleared Ukyou's head a bit, because she finally noticed something… _different_ about Ranma. Akane, too, thought something seemed amiss.

As one, they shouted, "Ranma! What the hell!?"

"What now?" He looked down at himself, then, seeing nothing, shrugged his three arms. _Wait a tic—three arms!?_ "What the hell!?" 

…

Three unconscious forms stirred from the floor.

"Didja get th' license number o' that truck?"

"Ugh… my head."

"_Your_ head? _My_ head."

"Ranma, m'boy, you make your father proud— what on earth!?"

As Genma stepped into the room, he looked down at a sight he never, in his wildest dreams—well, perhaps his absolute _wildest_—would have expected: his boy, _two_—count them, two—lovely ladies by his side, and… "What _happened_ to you, boy?"

"Huh? Pops? Uh… I don't think ya wanna know," Ranma replied. He shook his head to clear it, then looked once more where hours ago had been just two appendages. "I don't ev'n think _I_ wanna know, but I _do_…"

"Of _course_ I want to know, boy! You can't imagine how useful having three arms could be!" This remark only garnered him a fresh lump on the head. "Ouch! Is that how you treat your elders!?"

"Nope. Jus' you," retorted Ranma. "An' b'lieve me, ev'n if ya knew, ya wouldn't want it ta happen ta _you_. F'r'all I know, it could kill me."

The commotion had drawn Kasumi up the stairs to investigate. "Oh, my…" She nearly collapsed, but Nabiki caught her from behind.

Seeing the extra limb, she quipped, "Jeez, Ranma, you sure know how to get yourself in trouble. Looks like Somebody either likes you, or hates you."

Things went black again.

TENDO DOJO: WEDNESDAY, 6AM

"… coming around?"

"Yeah, looks like it."

_Voices… familiar voices._

He tried to open his eyes, but a bright light blinded him, so he kept them shut. He decided to just listen a bit more.

"Ranma? Can you hear me?" _Akane._

"Get up, boy. You've had worse than _this_." _Oyaji._

"You know, I think the circus is in town; they'd love to have him." _Nabiki? Yeah, must be._

"You're not helping, Onee-chan." _Akane again._

He again opened his eyes a fraction, trying to ignore the blinding light. This time, Akane's anxious face swam into focus. "He's opening his eyes; I think he's all right."

Ranma sat up; finding his voice, he tried to use it. It was raspy, but intelligible. "What… h-hap… happened?"

"You… well, you fainted, Ran-chan; from malnutrition, according to Tofu-sensei," explained Ukyou.

"Feh, malnutrition; the guy eats like the Wild Horse he's named for," Nabiki commented sarcastically.

"Well, he's been very hungry lately; perhaps it's because of this… thing that's happening to him. After all, it takes more to feed two bodies than one."

"You talk like he's _pregnant,_ Akane."

"Well, it's the same idea, really," said a new voice. Ranma turned to see Doctor Tofu standing behind him. "As you said, Akane-chan, he's essentially feeding two bodies. In fact, unlike a pregnancy, where the child's body is a small fraction of the size of its mother, Ranma is feeding two _full-grown_ bodies—therefore needing almost twice as much food. I believe I'm far from mistaken that he's suffering from malnutrition; his secondary body is leeching half of the energy from the food he eats, so his primary body is receiving much less energy than usual."

"I-I fainted…? Malnu—nutrition…?" His brain was slowly catching up with his ears.

"Yes, Ranma-kun. It's no doubt you're going to need to rest for a while, not only to conserve what energy you have, but to store up a bit more before you faint again. Yes, that's it; just a moment." Doctor Tofu pulled a notepad and pen from his bag. He made a quick scrawl on the pad, and tore off the sheet to hand to Akane. "This is just the prescription he'll need."

Reading the note over Akane's shoulder, Ukyou looked at Ranma. "No worries there, I've gotcha covered, Ran-chan," she told him with a smile.

"I don't think so, Ukyou!" Akane interrupted. "He's staying _right here!_ You heard Tofu-sensei; he needs his rest, we can't be moving him around."

"I heard _just_ fine, and I'm staying right here, too, to cook for him."

"Oh-ho-ho! Ranma-sama, I come bearing gifts for my darling!" The silhouette of a leotard-clad Kodachi Kuno appeared at the open window.

_Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Why can't that girl just leave me alone!?_

"Go _away,_ Kodachi! Your 'darling Ranma' needs his rest; and he's not even 'yours' to begin with!"

"Rest, you say? Well, peasant, why didn't you say so?" Two dozen pitch-black roses fell into Ranma's lap, and a cloud of potion-laced petals quickly sent him back to oblivion—but not before he heard Nabiki mutter under her breath, "That'd work."

Author's Notes:

Two more chapters to go! According to 'The Plan,' that is. Might be a couple more. Kami-sama, I'm awakened to a new appreciation for all those writers with stories of 30 whole chapters (and more)!

Perhaps it's a bit odd for Ranma to be growing limbs, but remember—this is Nerima we're talking about. Between Jyusenkyo, Furinkan, and the Tendo Dojo, we've got enough 'weirdness' to go around; this is just one more thing to add to the mix.

Well, a few other characters make their appearance here, and a few more to come. I'm grateful to everyone who's read and reviewed my story! It's you who made it what it is so far; I wrote out the plot, but you're definitely helping me to flesh in some of the details that otherwise might not be so accurate. (I'm a CSE major, not BIO… like you care.)

I'm looking forward to your comments! Ja ne!


	5. Telophase :unfinished:

**… Part 5: 'Telophase' …**

_"Telophase. During telophase, the nucleus completes its division; the cell's cytoplasm then pinches off to separate the nuclei."_

Tendo Dojo: 10AM

Something didn't feel quite right. Ranma sat up groggily and looked out the window. It was a bright morning, the overhead sun making the dew on the grass sparkle. He was in his room.  That was normal.  He was on his bedroll.  That was normal, too.  _Wait a minute… overhead?_ "Damn! I'm late!" 

"Now, Ranma, Tofu-sensei says you need to get your rest, so you'll be staying home for the next few days at _least._ And Ukyou left you a whole stack of okonomiyaki for breakfast, so eat up." 

"Akane? What're you doin' here? Don'tcha gotta get ta class, too?" 

She huffed at him. "Well, if you don't _mind,_ I thought I'd take a few days off of school to stay here and take _care_ of you. But if you'd rather, I guess I wouldn't be too late if I left now…" 

"Uh, no, I jus' meant… 'cause I didn't think ya would—" 

"Oh, _I_ see how it is. I shouldn't have expected an accomplished martial artist such as yourself to need help from a _girl._ Fine, I'm going to get my bag; I'll see you—" 

"No, wait! I… I don' mind, really… I, uh… well, y'know…" He bowed his head sheepishly, and finished in a tiny voice, "Thanks." 

Akane turned back from the doorway, giving him a knowing look. "You're very welcome, Ranma," she replied with a sincere smile. 

"Ano… did somethin' happen? You're in an awfully good mood." 

"Oh, so 'something' has to happen for me to want to spend time with my fiancée when he's sick?" Ranma proceeded to stare at her like _she_ was the one with three arms. "Okay, so it's not something I do a _lot_—" 

He barely held in a snort. 

"—but, well, at least I didn't make breakfast, right?" she said, and stuck out her tongue at him. "And besides, it gives Kasumi a much-needed break, to go visit Tofu-sensei…." 

"Ah… right. Hey, where'd ya say Ucchan left th' okonomiyaki?" 

…

Soun and Genma peeked in from opposite sides of the window, watching the exchange. They looked at each other with grins on their faces and glints in their eyes; it wouldn't be long now…. 

…

Akane walked back in from the kitchen, a plate stacked with pastries in one hand.  She sat down on the edge of the bed and handed him the plate.  "Here you go, Ranma.  _Fifteen_ fresh-cooked okonomiyaki with your name on them—literally," she said with a dark expression.  "Eat up."

"Mmm, smells good; thanks Akane."

"I didn't make them."

He shrugged.  "So?  Ucchan ain't here, and you brought 'em up for me.  So like I said, thanks."

"Oh… okay.  Do you want anything to drink?" Akane asked, standing.

Ranma was _sure_ something was wrong, but couldn't quite put his finger on it.  But he wasn't one to pass up an offer of food—or drink.  "Uh, sure, could I have some milk?"  Catching himself, he added, "Please."

She giggled at his uncharacteristic politeness. "All right, I'll be right back up.  You just lay down and relax, okay?"  She stepped out into the hallway, closing the door partway behind her.

_I wonder what's gotten into her,_ Ranma thought, once Akane had left the room.

_Yeah,_ the Voice replied.  _She's being _nice_. Maybe things will work out all right, after all._

_I hope so… I mean, she's really cute—even though I tell her the opposite.  I wonder what she'd say…_

_Sounds like a good idea to me; give it a try._

"Yeah, I think I will."

"Will what?" Akane questioned, coming back into the room with a glass of milk.

He hadn't realized he'd spoken aloud.  "Oh, I… uh, it's nothin', just thinkin' ta myself."

"Oh… all right."  She shrugged.  "Here's your—" She was cut off by a loud cry from the hallway.

"Airen!  Is Airen okay?  Shampoo come with ramen, so Ranma no be hungry so much!"  The busty Amazon nearly trampled Akane coming through the door.  She did, however, knock the glass out of her hands—and all over Ranma.

"AAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!"  He screamed, and doubled over in intense pain.  The girls could only watch in horror as Ranma convulsed on the bed, screaming—then in amazement, as another arm and two new legs erupted from his side.

"Oh my God!" Akane cried, rushing over to the bed.  "Oh my God, Ranma, are you all right?  What the hell just happened?"

He was still clutching at his abdomen in agony, tears beginning to form in his eyes.  He breathed deeply a few times, trying to calm himself, to forget the pain, even as it subsided.  "Urk… yeah… I'm—I'm okay…" he managed between twinges of pain.

Akane turned in rage toward Shampoo.  "And _what_ do you think you're doing?  Barging in here like you own the place!  Bothering Ranma when he's trying to get some sleep!  And then—then—doing _that_ to him!  You _bitch_!"  She wildly swung her fists at the other girl, but the Amazon dodged them nimbly.

"What kitchen-wrecker mean?  Shampoo bring food for Airen, so he no hungry!  Shampoo try help him!  _You_ get in way!"

She continued to dodge Akane's furious attacks. Her carefully-balanced ramen bentou, unfortunately, could not.  It took the full force of one powerful punch, and, like the milk in the glass before it, its near-boiling contents landed all over Ranma.  Like the first transformation, he was visited with extreme pain; his head throbbed, his heart beat like a war drum, his lungs could barely hold a breath.  

And then, he began to split.  A bluish aura—not his battle aura, simply an ambient glow—surrounded his body.  Starting from his feet, it slowly changed to a reddish hue, and it traveled up his legs, reaching his torso, his body cinching down the middle.  The red front reached his neck, and his sobs of torment stopped abruptly, turning instead into a silent shriek as he threw his head back.  The girls had to shield their eyes from a blinding flash that lit the room.

When the light had died down, they looked back toward the bed.  The pigtailed boy lay on the floor beside it, unconscious, unmoving save to breathe.  The pigtailed _girl_ hung off the side of the bed, her legs askew across the boy's chest.  Akane and Shampoo looked at each other, eyes wide, mouths agape.

…

"Hello, Nekohanten.  What would you… Oh, so it's happened, has it?  Well, I'll be right along."  Cologne hung up the phone, then motioned to Mousse.  "Close up shop.  We're going to the Tendos'."

Author's Notes: 

Sorry to do another one of these. Two weeks of insufficient funds, insufficient sleep, and worst of all, "insufficient disk space" made my writing a bit slow… -er than usual. I'll do my best to finish this chapter off ASAP. 

I'd like to thank _everyone_ who's review this story; I really appreciate the support! 

And now things like life, the Universe, and double-stack cheeseburgers are calling… _hasta luego_ ("see ya later")! 


End file.
